This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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