So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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