thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
