well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
worst night to have a conscience
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
