Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
