so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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