The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she pinky promised me she was 18
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
