the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
