Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
