Will you blow on my dice?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
