Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
