Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
