i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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