Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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