Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
