I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend