I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?