At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.