i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.