Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth