he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
