Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.