Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...