there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
