everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
