I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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