Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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