i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
