why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
