member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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