Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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