Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
