it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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