The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
