highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
