worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
