sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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