I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
