i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
