Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
