I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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