I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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