I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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