Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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