people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
