Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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