just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
