yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
