I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
