So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
