This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
