I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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