I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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