dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
MIDGETS
????
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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