Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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