just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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