I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
