He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
