A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
