At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
