Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
