Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
