chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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