everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
