Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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