I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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