if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there is puke in my bra ... again
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