let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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