I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
