I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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