And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
