Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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