I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
