he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
