My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
