Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
