Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
pray to the hookup gods
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
