I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
