I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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