she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
