I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
