I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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